From the very beginning I new I wanted to do a natural drug free birth. I didn't know very much about it, so I decided to research different birthing styles. I came across Hypnobirthing and knew this was the type of birth I wanted for myself and the baby.
"Hypnobirthing is a childbirth technique whose basic premise is to remove fear. The claim is that this will considerably reduce, or even eliminate, pain, since this is thought to be caused or exacerbated by fear."
Hypnobirthing
Sean and I registered for 2 different types of child preparation classes. Our first class was at the Davis hospital in Layton during the month of May. It was a 4 week course and it included discussions such as, labor and delivery, the husbands role, breathing and relaxation techniques, pain management options, cesarean childbirth, and the process the uterus and cervix go through. It also talked about newborn characteristics, newborn care, postpartum period and a tour of the facility. We became certified on CPR as well. It was $50 to register as a couple for the class.
The second class was located at the hospital we would be delivering at, Intermountain Medical Center in Murray during the month of June/July. This was a HypnoBirthing class taught for 5 weeks. It was $150 per couple. They supplied us with books and CD's to relax to. We supplied our own birthing ball. It talked about how this was a more gentle and joyful birthing experience. Using relaxation techniques and visualization during labor and delivery. How I would be fully aware, free of fear and tension, and able to access my body own natural relaxant, alleviating discomfort all tighter. They showed us how the husband/birthing companion has such a strong role in the birthing process. There familiar voice and touch can encourage prompts and make the birthing experience peaceful and create a bond. I was happy that Sean could have such a big role in the birth and not just stand there not knowing what to do.
I was 35 weeks pregnant when my Grandma Joyce went into surgery at the Huntsman Cancer Institute. She went in to have a hysterectomy and to remove the cancer that was surrounding it. When she came out of surgery, I was not prepared to hear the outcome. The cancer had progressed quite significantly. She had stage 4 uterine cancer. They gave her 6 months to 1 year to live. I was devastated. My grandma Joyce was my best friend. I was her only granddaughter and we had an amazing bond. My family is very small on that side and it was a lot for myself, father, and two cousins to take on. The next few days became even harder to deal with. They did a scan and found even more cancer. The cancer had spread from her uterus to her bladder and into her lungs. The doctors at the Huntsman Cancer Center did not believe radiation would work, and chemotherapy was not worth it either. The cancer was too strong and rapidly growing. We were just suppose to make her as comfortable as possible for the time she had left.
Information about Stage 4 Uterine Cancer
Our family was very small and I wanted to do everything and anything I could for my grandma. I visited her every morning before work and after work. I even had to randomly up and leave work when the doctors called. I took care of her hospital paperwork and insurance and attended the meetings with the surgeons to learn about her condition and the steps we needed to take to help her along.
I was at work when I received the call from one of the surgeons the we needed to discuss her final weeks. I was in complete shock and couldn't believe it was moving so quickly. I arrived at the hospital with the rest of our family. As we sat down and listened to the doctor, I began feeling contractions but ignored them because of everything else i was intently listening to. The four of us, with my Grandma there vaguely listening, ( she was in and out of sleep, due to the heavily sedated drugs) had to decided on her final wishes. Did she want to be resuscitated or to be left as is. How to handle her medicaid, being such a small family were we able to take car of her at her house all the way up in Heber, etc. There were so many decisions to be made and my grandma said she did not want to be resuscitated. I asked her why, why grandma, and she said its time I don't want this to be dragged out. I was overwhelmed with stress and sadness. I couldn't stop crying and it also hurt to breath. I kept having to sit or lay down. My mom came up and was there to support me. She kept saying Megan, are you okay, are you going into labor. I said no Im fine. I knew they were contractions because I had been experiencing them for about a month, its a way your body prepares itself for labor. I thought nothing of it, because i was too focused on my grandmother. The contractions started around 10:00 am and by 2:30 pm I remembered that I had my Gyno appt. I didn't want to leave the hospital, I just wanted to ignore my appointment and focus on my Grandmother. But my mother insisted I go. I said goodbye to my grandma and told her I would be back soon.
My mother had to drive me to my doctors appointment, which is luckily at my hospital. The contractions were getting stronger and coming more quickly. Sean met me at the doctors office. The doctor checked me and said I was dilated to a 1 and that my contractions were 3 min apart. I started crying. I was so nervous, the baby wasn't suppose to come for another 5 weeks. By having a miscarriage before this pregnancy, I was even more petrified for what could happen. My doctor sent me down to labor and delivery and they checked me in.
I checked into the Triage room and they put the contraction and heartbeat monitor belts on me. Then the nurse reached up and checked to see how far I was monitored, she was not soft about it, it felt like she was in my throat! Yuck! They gave me a pill and I don't remember the name of it. It was to slow down my contractions or hopefully stop them completely. I was monitored for 5 1/2 hours while they waited for my contractions to ease. After they had finally stopped, they gave me an injection into my left butt check. Oh my hell that was painful! Not the shot itself, but I could actually fill the hot fluid going through my skin! The shot was an Antenatal corticosteriod, which helps prepare the fetus's lungs for preterm birth. They told me I had to come back in exactly 24 hours to get another shot in my other butt cheek and to check my cervix to see if I was dialed anymore. I was like uhhhhh another painful shot! But I had to remember it was for this baby boy not me. Luckily the next day I was still at a 1.
As the weeks went on and I had to sadly deal with the death of my sweet Grandma Joyce on June 28th. This was truly the most heartbreaking moment of my entire life. She was my best friend. I couldn't believe I had to plan a funeral for her. From diagnosis to her death was a short 4 weeks. I am sad that she will not be here to see my baby's birth but I know she is watching down on us from Heaven.
Wednesday July 27, 2016
I woke up at 5am with contractions but they were not close together. Sean left for work at 630am and told me to keep him updated. Between the hours of 5am and 12pm I was trying to make myself comfortable. I was going back and forth between the warm bathtub and our bed. I kept texting Sean when a contraction would start and when it would end. He was timing them for me. They went from 9 minutes apart to 5 minutes apart. Around noon I told him I can't do this by myself anymore, I needed him to come home and help me with our hypnobirth training.
During a break of the contractions I couldn't decided if I was hungry or not. At first I would be starving then the contraction would make me sick. While I was waiting for Sean to drive home, I went downstairs and warmed up a slice of last nights pizza. I ate it and and it went down just fine.
Sean came home and we turned on our hypnobirth C.D. and he read me a few short passages from the hypnobirthing booklet. I was trying to practice my breathing exceriseces while concentrating on the words he was saying. He would put pressure onto my lower back when a contraction started or I would try sitting in a chair and he would put pressure onto my knees to release pressure. An hour passed and my contractions ( or surges as the hypnobirthing language calls them) grew more intense. I started to loose control of concentrating on what Sean was saying, they were just so painful. During one of the contractions and I knew I was going to vomit, I tried to get up off the bed and run to the toilet, unfortunately I did not make it, and vomited all over the bathroom wall. Bad idea to eat that pizza! Mushrooms and olives everywhere! SO GROSS! I felt so bad, for Sean as he went in to clean it up. At that point I knew it was time to go to the hospital. I wanted to labor as long as possible in the comfort of my own home but I couldn't take the pain anymore.
To ease the contractions it was more comfortable for my to stand and sway. I had no idea how I would be able to sit in a car ride for 30 minutes to the hospital!!!! So I held onto the arm handle above the door frame and screamed the whole way. I am positive the other drivers on the freeway thought I was a phsyco!
We arrived at the hospital around 5pm. They checked me into the triage room, and I was dialed to a 6. So they got a room ready for me and we walked into our laboring room. At this point we texted my mother and our photographer to start heading to the hospital.
Birth Story photos done by: K Ell Photography
As I was undressing, I yelled out Im going to throw up!!!, the Nurse reached for a bag but sadly I did not make it. I projectile vomited all over the floor. Not only did I throw up, but while I was vomiting I peed. I was mortified and disgusted with myself, I had no self control. I had never projectile vomited before, I was in so much pain. And I never wanted to eat pizza again! I kept apologizing to the nurse and she said its fine, its normal. I was like uh... I don't think so! I am such a gross human! Sean walked me to the bathroom and helped me clean up.
I finally was able to lay on the hospital bed and breathe through the contractions. I started crying and told Sean that I couldn't do this anymore. He remembered the training in our Hypnobirthing class and that I would say this at some point. He reminded me of how much I wanted a Hypno birth and tried to talk to me when I wasn't having a contraction. I still told him I couldn't do this anymore, I was in so much pain. So the nurse came in and checked me again. I was at a 9. I had progressed from a 7 to a 9 in one hour! We decided I was able to get an epidural. I tried not to be mad at myself for getting the drug. The whole reason I did not want any type of drugs was because I knew the baby was receiving them too.
Once the drug hit I was able to calm down. It was such a crazy feeling. I could not feel my legs! I actually thought there was a blanket or pillow on top of my leg and I was trying to move it off me, but then I realized it was my leg! It was very tripy! By the time the drug was in I was already at a 10! They were like WOW you have progressed very quickly, lets start pushing!
So I started pushing, but lets be honest with this drug I could barely feel what I was doing! I was upset! I asked can the drug where off so I can feel him come out? They said yes and reduced the drug flow. Sean held my left leg and the nurse held my right leg while I pushed. During our hypingbirthing they talked about the "purple pushing" so I tried to avoid holding my breath and not push like that. My photographer and mother were in the room as well. As the time passed we all put in our guesses of his weight! They were between 7-9lbs! We thought he was going to be huge since it wasn't easy for him to come out.
4 1/2 hours of straight pushing went by and my baby had not progressed and had been at a station 4 the whole time. They pulled down the mirror and you could barely see any of this crown. His heart rate and oxygen had dropped so they put an oxygen mask on me to raise him back up. It helped! My doctor said I had pushed long enough and he was worrying about the baby. He asked if I wanted to use the vacuum or the forceps. I freaked out again and started crying. My whole plan had gone out the door. None of this was suppose to happen! This was going so far away from a natural childbirth! My mother spoke up and said she is not going to have the forceps! When my mother was giving birth to me, they used the forceps and punched me in my eye. My first baby picture shows my whole left eye black, blue and swollen.
So the vacuum it is! The doctor told me that if the baby did not come out with the vacuum then we would have to go in for a C-section. When he said that I was determined to push this baby out, with the help of the vacuum! The next contraction came and I pushed, but again no progress. Once again we tried and while i was pushing the vacuum popped off and made the loudest sound and blood squirted up and around the doctor. All I could yell was FUCK!
Two doctors lifted me off of my rolling bed onto the operating table. They pulled a tarp up between my neck and chest for sterilization. They started informing me what was going on. Obviously i have never had a c-section but I knew it entailed cutting open my lower abdominal. So once again I started freaking out and letting them know I could still feel my legs and my feet. I was not about to feel them cutting me open. The doctors kept assuring me that they had numbed me well enough. But I thought that if i could feel things, it wasn't good enough! I was petrified of feeling anything!! So one of the doctors said okay can you feel this? I said I don't know, what are you doing? Sean said, Megan they are grabbing your stomach and lifting it up with a large pair of tweezers!!! I said oh okay, no I can't.
Yes I am a drama queen, but I was truly scared!!! The only thing I could feel was tugging from side to side in my abdominal cavity.
My most flattering picture ever..........
The doctor pulled him out and called his time of birth 12:00am on Thursday July 28, 2016... My baby was born exactly at midnight!
THEODORE GRAHAM ROBERTS
5 pounds and 4 ounces is what they called out into the room. I was like WHAT! He is that small! Are you sure! Why was he stuck so long? I thought he was going to be massive!! Sean picked him up and the two of them came and sat down next to me while the doctors stapled me back up. I was on a lot of drugs, and I could barely see straight. My doctor told me the reason he got stuck for 4 hours with no progression was because my hip bones and birth canal was too small for him to fit through. Crazy to think, because he was such a small creature. I probably would have died giving birth if I was a pioneer. Thank GOD for modern medicine!!
From the time they rushed me into the operating room, delivered the baby, cleaned him up, stapled me, wheeled me back to my labor room was a total of 35 min! So incredibly fast! That baby needed to come out quick, and I am ever so glad that I had the service of this hospital and staff!
He was laying on my chest and the first thing I wanted to do was breastfeed him! My breasts were larger than my child! It was an odd picture if you can only imagine! My mother however thought it was hilarious and took pictures of it and sent it to my family.
This was the first time I could actually focus in on him. I couldn't believe it! I was a mom! He was mine! I made him! Truly a miracle! He was born 3 days late and I believe my grandmother Joyce was playing with him and didn't want to let him go just yet. It puts a smile on my heart to know they were together before he came into this world.
He looked a little alien like but had the biggest blue eyes! He was very alert and did not fall asleep for the longest time!
When I returned from my room I was so parched my throat hurt so bad. I pleaded for water but they said I had to wait awhile and I could only have ice chips. I let Sean and my mother hold him while I tried to become "undizzy" from all the drugs.
We stayed in my labor room for about an hour and then we took the elevator up to my recovery room. Seans mom was able to come and visit us around 2am while we got settled into our room. Sean went with Graham and my mom to the nursery to get his footprints and identification done. By 3am our mothers and photographer left so we could sleep. Sleep?? Ya right! The night was filled with 2 hour feeding attempts and drugs distributed to me by the nurses.
We stayed at the hospital for 5 full days! Graham ended up getting bilirubinemia and had to be under the billi-lights for 2 days. We could only pick him up to feed him. It was kind of sad. But he looked like a cute superhero with his mask on. And my recovery was harder than we thought. Graham ended up decreasing more than 10% of his birth weight. He got done to 4lbs 10 ounces. Poor Sean had to sleep on the hospital couch/bed. He is 6'1 and did not fit on it very well. Sean was such a good husband and dad. He stayed with us all 5 days. Our cousin Samantha was watching our house and 5 pets while we were at the hospital. One afternoon, Sean went home to say hello to the dogs and give them a blanket Graham had been sleeping with. We wanted the pets to know his scent before he came home.
Definiton: A bili light is a light therapy tool to treat newborn jaundice (hyperbilirubinemia). High levels of bilirubin can cause brain damage (kernicterus), leading to cerebral palsy, auditory neuropathy, gaze abnormalities and dental enamel hypoplasia.
I had no idea my recovery would be this tough! I could not even get out of bed without assistance for 3 whole days! I had to slide out and lean to stand up. I had a total of 16 staples. The first time I had to use the restroom I was disgustingly surprised how swollen everything was "down there" even though I did not give a vaginal birth. The nurse informed me that since I pushed for so long and almost gave a vaginal birth my body is recovering both from a Cesarean and vaginal birth.
None of the medication was working and I was in a lot of pain. They tried 5 different types of pain pills and still nothing worked for me. They ended up hooking up a pain medication where I could push the magic green button for more meds! Finally I was able to rest and sleep! Not! Learning to breastfeed was a roller coaster! At first it went smoothly and he latched right away, then when he was stuck on the bill lights and needed comfort, we gave him a Binky since we couldn't hold him. Well that screwed the nursing up. And from there it was tough for 3 days to get him to latch. We tried manual expressing and pumping with a machine. We also tried using my expressed milk through a tube that was taped next to my nipple to get him to latch. After all of this struggle, he ended up latching quite well when we got home.
Throughout the 5 days we were flooded with family and friends excited to meet our new Teddy Graham. He received the sweetest gifts and snuggles from everyone that loves him.
Even though my natural birth and entire birth plan flew out the window, none of that matters because I have one cute healthy baby boy! He may be very small but he is mighty and we are so in love with our little Teddy Graham.
We went home that Monday and drove up to our newly built house with it fully decorated and welcoming our new bundle of joy! What a fun surprise!
(side note; don't build a house, move, and have a baby all within 6 months time!! Too stressful)
I had Graham's newborn photos taken when he was 10 days old
photos done byPaige Davis Photography
Sean and I are so in love with our new little bundle of joy!
No comments:
Post a Comment